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Rhonda's Story

"The first couple of days at Hope's Door planted the seed that another person's violent attacks were not my fault."
 

Violence and abuse were not foreign to me. I had seen and felt it many times. I discovered Hope's Door after I had been held against my will one weekend several years ago. I was told I was not leaving the house alive and certainly not with my boys. The weekend to say the least was a nightmare. When I was able to get out of the house, I was so exhausted and mentally drained, I couldn't even speak. My friend called Hope's Door and spoke for me. She was a godsend and I was fortunate to have a friend who could steer me in the right direction. The shelter was full but arrangements were made for me to meet someone from the shelter. I was secretly placed in a hotel where I could be safe until we could find further arrangements.

I was at the beginning.

Although that weekend wasn't the last time I was attacked by my ex-husband—it was the first time I doubted it was my fault. Was it something I said or didn't say? Was it something I did or didn't do? Or forgot? The first couple of days at Hope's Door planted the seed "Another person's violent attacks were not my fault. I was not to be blamed. It was OK and necessary for me to protect myself and my children." This truly was the beginning for me.

After leaving the shelter, I attended the aftercare counseling program at Hope's Door. It gave me a few hours a week in a place where I could feel completely safe. Hope's Door provided hot-cooked meals each week. Food and household supplies were given to me during times of need, and gifts during holidays when I couldn't have done it alone. There were the other women struggling in the same way I was; they understood and knew the feelings. I wasn't the only one.

The counselors provided information that was invaluable. Each week introduced a new topic or series of topics to assist in developing the skills needed to surpass just surviving. We learned to understand ourselves. We were given instruction on how to parent and break the cycle of abuse. We were given information to help us understand our family and children. We learned ways in which we could change. And that we couldn't change an abuser, even with love. We learned skills for coping. But probably most important for me was the emotional support;it was always there. Without that support, I am sure I couldn't have made it; that support meant so much to me. It was what I needed to feel that someone cared and that I mattered. With people giving so much, I couldn't help but see "I had worth."

I have been happily married now for almost four years. My husband is an absolutely wonderful man. My live is free of abuse and I have comforts I would not have dreamed possible a few years ago. I contribute that not only to my own perserverance, but also to the dedicated people who took the time to care and give so much of themselves.

Although my live was very difficult during the time I spent in the shelter and in aftercare counseling, I look back and more times than not I remember the overwhelming feelings of being accepted and safe. What a relief it was just to feel safe. ….. Something so many take for granted.

If the value of my life matters to strangers...
People who don't have to care about me,
Maybe it should matter to me.
Maybe I should ask, "what does it mean to care"?
What does it mean to love?

View Photo Gallery from An Evening of Hope 2004

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