Characteristics of children who witness family violence

Important points to remember

• The characteristics are discussed in general terms
• Children's reactions are quite varied and range from major adjustment disorders to those who appear to be minimally scarred by the trauma
• The impact of domestic violence varies according to such factors as sex, age, stage of development, support, etc.

• May suffer serious emotional and/or physical consequences: may suffer from neglect; may be abused; may be injured in a violent episode by being "caught in the crossfire;" or may be accidentally/purposely hit or pushed. The mother may hold the infant for infant's own safety but discover that the father has no regard for the baby's physical and emotional vulnerability.
• Basic needs for attachment may be significantly disrupted. Routines (sleeping, feeding, and changing) may become far from normal. Parents may be unable to handle the stressful demands of an infant. Infant will recognize the lack of availability of his/her parents.
• Irritable
• Sleeping difficulty
• Diarrhea
• Frequently ill

• May show various forms of language delays; for example may be slow to babble or slow to imitate sounds, or may not respond to own name
• May who various cognitive delays; for example may not be too interested in exploring
• May show various social delays; may not pay attention to new faces, or may seem very frightened by new faces or surroundings; and may be slow to develop a social smile

• May suffer serious emotional and/or physical consequences; may be neglected, physically abused; may try to intervene to defend mother
• Somatic complaints
• Irritable
• Reluctant to leave mother
• Fearful of being alone
• May feel responsible for what is happening
• Open about the violence in the family

• May regress to earlier stages of functioning
• May show some language delay
• May show some cognitive delay

• Significant emotional difficulties
  • Shame (hidden violence)
  • Embarrassed (family secret)
  • Guilt (somehow prevented violence)
  • Fear/anxiety (waiting for next violent episode; feel no safety in their own home; spend most of their hours in school inattentive, distracted)
  • Divided sense of loyalty (want to protect mother yet respect/fear father's "right" to control family
  • These feelings fluctuate with the idea someone will rescue them
  • Few opportunities to develop outside the family (few extracurricular activities) due to batterer's domination and control
  • Undermines self-esteem
  • Undermines confidence for their future
• May suffer serious emotional and/or physical consequences; may be neglected, physically abused; and/or may try to intervene to defend their mother
• Look to their parents as significant role models: boys may learn that violence is an appropriate way of resolving conflict; girls may learn that victimization is inevitable, and no one can help change this pattern.

• Verbal about home life
• May feel responsible for what is happening
• Boys begin showing more aggressive, disruptive behavior (fighting with siblings/peers; girls begin showing an array of somatic complaints and may be more withdrawn, passive, clinging, and anxious.
• Bedwetting

• Guarded/secretive about family situation
• May deny violence occurred
• May feel anger or loss of respect for mother
• May confront mother with the fact that they cannot live with violence anymore
• May fear yet respect their father's power
• May run away (interviews of runaways point to family conflict and exposure to violence as major factor in their decision to run away)
• May take on additional responsibilities to keep family peace and try to provide safety for their family (may feel they cannot leave home in order to protect their mother, sisters, brothers, and may feel they have to calm batterer)
• Many males begin to identify with father (become abusive themselves e.g. dating violence and/or abuse their mother)
• Many females have a generalized distrust of men and view violence as inevitable
• Begin to develop intimate relationships outside the family and begin to practice the sex roles and communication patterns they have learned.

• A sense of isolation and helplessness
• Learning that an effective method of problem solving is hitting
• A tendency to have some developmental delays
• Suffering from a high degree of anxiety
• As the child matures, the degree of sympathy toward the mother begins to wane and may be replaced by overt hostility.